There be a spring in my step

It’s been an insanely busy couple of weeks both work wise and personally. I have spent more time with old friends, Josh has been on half term, Easter has been and gone, I am still trying hard with the diet and exercise regime (though have had a couple of non diet meals) and I have been working more too.

A few years ago this would have exhausted me. I wasn’t in the place where my body, mind and spirit could handle all of that but whether it’s a change in my mindset, whether its because I have been consciously taking care of myself I couldn’t tell you but what I can say is that I feel energised in a way I never have before. I am beginning to think that my 30’s are definitely going to be amazing and what with the change in weather this weekend I definitely feel a spring in my step that is lifting me a little higher than it ever has before.

So here is to that next stage I can feel coming round the corner, I’m so incredibly ready for life.

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My Life 2013

Half way through last year I knew things needed to change and I began the hard slog of making those changes. I…

1. Gave up my house and relocated to a place better suited to us with friends and family nearby

2. Got a job that allowed me to meet those regular payments and still take Josh to school

3. Got us a new house

4. Began a healthy diet

5. Began an exercise plan

6. Began actively working on building up my business ac-consulting – the inspired VA

7. Got Josh into a good school

I knew that simply wanting these things wasn’t enough that I had to take action but I also knew that life has a way of creeping up on us and distracting us. I decided to really focus I had to write it all down so I searched on-line for some kind of plan that might suit my needs and my personality. This is where I came across Leonie Dawson and her Incredible Year Workbook.

I’ve always known that if I write it down I retain it and whilst I am sceptical on certain things in life I know, with absolute certainty, that we get out of life what we put in and I needed to somehow focus my energies, I’d been putting in pennies and expecting pounds when what I needed to do was put in everything I had.

At the end of last year I purchased the planner and began to fill it out. I spent a lot of time on this, there was a lot of deep thought and even a few tears. In itself writing down everything that was in my head was a cathartic experience and allowed me to say goodbye to 2012 with a thank you and a flourish, I knew then that even if I did nothing else with the planner I had received the gift of farewell.

I have tried to review it about once a month and I still add to it and amend it but it is not the be all and end all of my day. It helps me focus on my life but it is not the focus of my life if that makes sense.

I wanted to bullet point some of the things I put in my workbook that I have achieved so far in the 11/12 weeks since the new year began.

  • Create a plan for 2013 (obvious but necessary :))
  • Keep a diary (its proved to be a real bonus to remind myself of the good things that happened in that day)
  • Take a class (I go to an exercise class once a week and unexpectedly I LOVE it)
  • Grow my business (I have been amending my site and have gained a new client)
  • Lose weight (2.5 stone down!)
  • Create a workspace
  • Get a new sofa (yes there are some material things in there too and this was a biggie!)
  • Spend some regular time tending to my own self care (I have been eating better, looking after my body better and generally being kinder to myself)
  • Get a pay-rise
  • Earn some extra money from my business
  • Drop a dress size
  • Get organised (with the help of a calender & a shift in my routine)
  • Start dating
  • Book a holiday (my friend Caz is mostly responsible for getting this one sorted)
  • Blog
  • embrace my femininity (this one is actually quite hard but I think I am starting to finally appreciate what being a strong woman is)
  • Get outside every day

 

 

I know that these are small things for most people but they are milestones and stepping stones for me and are all directly supporting my happiness and contentment.

One day I will put my workbook on here for you to read but at the moment it’s still preciously personal to me. Maybe I will do it at the end of the year when I say good bye to 2013 and make a plan for 2014?

I hope you feel as inspired as I do to really focus on your life.

Life as a single mum

I have 3 great fears about being a single mum:

1) That I can’t give Josh a physically and emotionally healthy male role model

2) That I will not be able to provide for him

3) That Josh will feel unloved

I try so very hard everyday to do my best, to strive for honesty and openness so that he can talk to me when he is feeling sad, laugh with me when he is feeling happy and work hard together to do all the wonderful things he wants to do. I work hard to give us, if not a wealthy lifestyle a stable one and I refuse to get into an unhealthy relationship as I believe it will be better for Josh to see me being strong and capable on my own than be bounced about in another failing relationship. It is never enough.

The thought that Josh will ever wonder to himself if he was good enough for his dad literally turns my stomach but I know what its like to be the child of someone who is so deeply involved with their own wants and needs that a child is only good as either a bragging point or a hindrance and I struggled with that feeling, that thought every day until I stood up for myself. I didn’t have that strength until Josh was born and it breaks my heart wondering whether he will be OK or whether, like me he will feel unworthy of love.

Josh really did hang the moon in my eyes and it breaks my heart that his dad doesn’t feel that way, don’t get me wrong I am in no way saying he doesn’t love Josh, he just loves himself more.

It doesn’t mean I don’t get exhausted and frustrated and it certainly doesn’t mean Josh or I are perfect we are far from it (we are human after all) but I want Josh to know what it’s like to have a father figure. Someone that talks to him about his day, knows the names of his friends, teaches him about football and takes him for his first pint when he’s 18. Not because it’s a milestone for them but because they are just so damned proud of him that they want to share his milestone with him.

I want him to feel the true love of a father even if its not biologically correct.

I do my best, I play with him, I hug him, I spend everyday making him aware that this is OUR life not just mine. I do it in little ways and big ways in softness and firmness, life isn’t a balancing act its a story we are creating but I’m buggered if I have any idea how to do it right.

My fear about being a single mum is that I am not enough for a boy with such a very big heart and that soon he will close it to people that are truly interested in sharing his growing life with him.

Achy Bum

Go on get your minds out of the gutter and off the loo people!

One of my focuses this year is on getting fit and healthy in mind, body and spirit. Bearing this in mind I have been going to my local Rosemary Conley Diet and Fitness Club. I love it, it’s on a Wednesday morning at my local community centre and boy does the lovely Lou put me through my paces.

The reason or at least one of the reasons I chose this is because I get all the nutritional advice as well as a high quality fitness class all rolled into one. It saves my penny’s and loses my lbs (can you tell what I did there – haha I’m so clever) ahem…I can’t rave about it enough and considering I have dropped a dress size and 2 stone since I started at the beginning of the Year I am feeling rather proud of myself 🙂

If you are interested you should check out the website (link below) to find your local class or to see about doing it on-line:

Rosemary Conley

Anyway I digress. To cut a long story short, due to me being ill, Josh being ill and my uncles funeral I have missed the last 3 consecutive exercise classes and though I’ve walked for England and done a multitude of fitness-y things I was not prepared for a proper aerobic workout which I decided to put my self through this evening via the medium of DVD.

My legs ache. My tummy aches. My arms ache and boy does my arse ache like the  big achy arse that it is!!!

So that’s what I wanted to tell you.

I have an achy bum.

Sunny Sunday

It’s the little things in life that make me smile. Don’t get me wrong a grand gesture here and there go down a treat too but today I all about the little things.

 
The sun has been shining and the air felt fresh and clean. I had a much needed lay in this morning and when I woke the sun was beckoning me through my bedroom window so I decided today would be an outside day. 
 
Up until recently I have found it very easy to find excuses not to do things. Not to be active. But today is not one of those days and I took my boys – that’s Josh my 8 year old son and Toby, my 1 year old Jack Russell for a nice long walk for about half an hour my mum and her dog Jasper tagged along which was lovely then it was just me, my boys and the fresh air. 
 
It was bliss and it completely refreshed my spirit. The boys were exhausted and I am now sitting on the sofa typing this on my smartphone thinking how wonderfully quiet my house is.
 
Some days I just love my life!
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Onwards!

Well today feels like a good day. Don’t you love it when you get a good nights sleep and wake up feeling like the world is a good place. 

 
I can’t speak for you but I love it.

 
I’ve been little miss negative this last week, feeling sad and deflated but guess what. I don’t enjoy that feeling – it sucks all the energy out of me and I want to be full of life.
 
It’s ok that I had a rubbish week in fact, it’s perfectly normal but it’s time I passed through miserable and moved onto zesty! 
 
Happy Saturday lovely Internet people! May your day be zesty and bright xImage

Farewell Uncle Stevie

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It’s been a sad day today. We were saying goodbye to my Uncle Stevie who lost his battle with cancer on 3rd Feb.

 
I am completely drained now but I feel a strange sense of peace. I have felt so many things through his illness and passing. More than has ever hit home before. Happy I had a chance to get to know him, angry that there were things he never got to do, sad that he is gone, regret that I never told him more how proud I was that he was my uncle and how much Josh and I love him. 
 
Mostly now I just feel peaceful.
 
And tired. 
 
And determined – I will live a little better, love a little more and share a little more kindness. 
 
 

Frazzled and it’s not even 9am!

Today I feel STRESSED! Josh couldn’t drop off last night because he had a headache and ended up in my bed at 10:30 where he managed a whopping 3 hours of sleep before a raging temperature and pounding head meant that none of us was getting another wink. I feel for him I really do. Being a sufferer of headaches myself I know how poorly he feels but my sympathy for him does not negate my stress for how today is going to go. I let Toby the insanely bouncy Jack Russell into the back garden for a wee in lieu of his morning walk where he proceeded to eat a bounty of snowy grass. This was all lovingly regurgitated on my living room carpet.

I desperately needed today to go smoothly. I have so very much on and the first thing on my to do list was to do the weekly shop (I pinched a loo roll from my mum but it’s dwindling fast!) The list of things I don’t have start with:

Loo rolls

Toothpaste

Shampoo

Milk

Eggs

Bin Bags

It goes on and on and on – I have had to let everything run to the bare bones, a decision I heartily regret right now though it was less of a choice than a financial necessity.

And did I mention that it’s bill week?

On the absolute plus side because I now live in the same town as my mum she is going to be looking after Josh this afternoon so I will still manage to go to work. I think I’m going to wear a dress. Surely that will make me feel better..or fat. It could very well make me feel very fat!

 

Hmpf